4 days and counting
I’ve spent a relative short 1.5 years at this job, and as much as I love it at times; there are days when I just can’t be bothered with all the double-handling or stupidity that goes on at work. But in 4 days’ time, this will all end since Friday will be my last day on the job.
It’ll be good to have it down on my resume; but the time at the job has maybe in a way contributed to stress on my relationship with the boy. He can never handle distance and time apart well, and me being in Melbourne, and him being interstate doesn’t help matters. Of course, it would be good if he had moved here, since throughout my time at this job, he has been helping out at home and doing freelance work; but due to family circumstances and his other personal reasons (that he rather not share); he’s stayed firmly where he is.
With the last day at work looming; I can’t help but feel a sense of impending freedom tinged with a bit dread.
Freedom since I no longer (at least for a period) have to wake up at fixed hours for fear of being late to work, and also since I will be home in Singapore for the Christmas and to usher in 2009. It’s been a year since I’ve been back to visit family and friends, and I do miss the people and place. Dread since the future is so sketchy – Not sure how easy/hard it will be for me to find work once I’m back from my holiday and also where I’ll be – whether back in Melbourne, or if I’m moving to Newcastle to be with the boy.
I’ve got no idea where my personal relationship with the boy stands at the moment. We’ve grown apart in the 6 years we’re a couple, and we’ve both changed so much. I would like us both to embrace the change and grow both as individuals and as a couple, but he’s said he doesn’t like change and want things back as they were. Does this mean he doesn’t like me much anymore then? One can wonder. I have a fear of moving to Newcastle and not feeling wanted or needed – I’ve never dreamt of growing old there as I’m more of a city girl, but would be willing to give it a go for the sake of the boy. He’s mentioned before that if he had to choose between his hometown and me (in relation to moving), the hometown gets priority.
I think at this stage, we’re both not sure if it’s worth all the angst we’re putting outselves through; there are great days of us together, but it’s getting few and far between lately. I’m visiting him next weekend for a few days before I fly back to Singapore; hopefully we can get decide one way or the other. I love him, but sometimes, I don’t know if it’s enough anymore.