July has been a bit crazy though, so I’m sure I can be pardoned?

What’s been happening, you ask? Well, first of all, I started a new job and am now working 3 days a week, so that coupled with the fact that housework doesn’t get done by just giving it mean stares, I’m pretty buggered most days.

Then, there’s also the fact that SMASH! is coming up in Sydney next weekend, and I’ve been busy preparing for it.

This year will be my first time attending, and I’ll be a part of the ABJD photography panel as well as the ABJD faceup workshop. I’ve been trying to prep for the 2 panels, but it’s slow going, seeing that I haven’t been all that inspired to take any doll photos for my own pleasure lately, and I have been on a short hiatus from faceup commissions. Nonetheless, I am very excited about attending SMASH! next weekend!

Note to self: Need to update website before SMASH! too. And shamelessly pimp out the Faireground forum to all the ABJD enthusiasts that’ll be at the convention!

We had a morning tea in the office, and my colleagues also gave me a going away gift of a laptop/travel bag with a diary, pens and a travel tag. So thoughtful!

Although I’m happy to be going away on holiday and also to get away from work (it was notorious for double-handling work when there was no need to), I’m going to miss having a set daily routine, and also miss a few of my colleagues there. My supervisor was a lovely lady, who I hope is now a friend. I was genuinely sad to not be able to work with her anymore. Also, sad that I don’t get to work with Sarah anymore too (no more gossip sessions on our tea breaks or having dolly days at work!), but I still get to catch up with her outside of work, so that’s okay.

Anyway! Have to pack my bags now; going to Newcastle this evening, and will be back on Tuesday. Really hope to sort out the mess of a relationship out with the boy.

It’ll be good to have it down on my resume; but the time at the job has maybe in a way contributed to stress on my relationship with the boy. He can never handle distance and time apart well, and me being in Melbourne, and him being interstate doesn’t help matters. Of course, it would be good if he had moved here, since throughout my time at this job, he has been helping out at home and doing freelance work; but due to family circumstances and his other personal reasons (that he rather not share); he’s stayed firmly where he is.

With the last day at work looming; I can’t help but feel a sense of impending freedom tinged with a bit dread.

Freedom since I no longer (at least for a period) have to wake up at fixed hours for fear of being late to work, and also since I will be home in Singapore for the Christmas and to usher in 2009. It’s been a year since I’ve been back to visit family and friends, and I do miss the people and place. Dread since the future is so sketchy – Not sure how easy/hard it will be for me to find work once I’m back from my holiday and also where I’ll be – whether back in Melbourne, or if I’m moving to Newcastle to be with the boy.

I’ve got no idea where my personal relationship with the boy stands at the moment. We’ve grown apart in the 6 years we’re a couple, and we’ve both changed so much. I would like us both to embrace the change and grow both as individuals and as a couple, but he’s said he doesn’t like change and want things back as they were. Does this mean he doesn’t like me much anymore then? One can wonder. I have a fear of moving to Newcastle and not feeling wanted or needed – I’ve never dreamt of growing old there as I’m more of a city girl, but would be willing to give it a go for the sake of the boy. He’s mentioned before that if he had to choose between his hometown and me (in relation to moving), the hometown gets priority.

I think at this stage, we’re both not sure if it’s worth all the angst we’re putting outselves through; there are great days of us together, but it’s getting few and far between lately. I’m visiting him next weekend for a few days before I fly back to Singapore; hopefully we can get decide one way or the other. I love him, but sometimes, I don’t know if it’s enough anymore.

Work has been busy lately; usual story of too much work, not enough staff, and the ones that are there aren’t trained properly. It gets frustrating when you’ve mentioned to the boss about recurring productivity issues and there aren’t any changes at all, even after months.

I’m sort of glad to be leaving the company at the end of next month – it’s been fun working there for most parts, but it’s also time to move on. I’ll have a month’s holiday back in Singapore to look forward to before coming back and starting a new chapter of my life.